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| JULY 2008 "Girls Gone Wild" |
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| abatebummer@aol.com | |||
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In the old days I would have never thought of myself as being particularly patriotic. In
fact ya might say that I’ve had a history of rebelling against anything that even
remotely resembled patriotism. But like most people, the events of 9/11 changed all that.
Actually, to be honest, my thinking started to change a few years prior to that when my
sons signed up to become career military lifers. Much discussion with Jason (the oldest)
and Ben (the youngest) made me realize that both my boys were devoted to our flag and what
it stands for, which in turn made ME re-think a few things. It was a matter of the sons
teaching the father. 9/11 just opened my eyes further and brought it all home to make it
personal. “Well, THAT’S a Hell of a way to answer the phone!” My feelings about this war are so confused that even I don’t know exactly where I stand. I feel something HAS to be done, those crazies over there want to destroy us and everything we represent. But I question the way our leaders are handling things. And I think I’ve made that abundantly clear in a few past columns. But one thing IS certain, and that’s that I’ve ALWAYS respected, and was thankful for, our men and women in uniform. This Fourth of July, amongst all our patriotic zeal, I hope we can all try to make SPECIAL note of these fine young men and women who are willing to stand post and literally put themselves on the line for our benefit. Without being too dramatic, our own personal security, our national security and the fate of the world as we know it rests in their hands, and we all owe them our gratitude and respect. Now, on to lighter thoughts…. Last night I couldn’t sleep so I did what just about anyone would do under the same circumstances these days: I turned on the TV. There was a time, not too long ago, that when I couldn’t sleep I would have grabbed a book and settled in for an enjoyable hour or two of letting my eyelids grow heavy as I nodded off and slid into a deep, relaxing sleep. But lately, as I’ve grown lazier in every way (including brain-wise) I’ve been opting to do what everybody else does and just turned on the good old boob tube…literally! For some years now I’ve been noticing an infomercial called “Girls Gone Wild”. How could I not? The commercials run all night on some channels and fill the screen with portrayals of hot young girl after hot young girl exposing themselves right there on my TV in front of God and everybody! An announcer explains how their crew rides on some kind of tour bus that travels across the states visiting flashy youth oriented bars encouraging young women to get drunk, get crazy and show off just about everything they’ve got. How vile and disgusting!! Now, I know yer not gonna believe this, but my first thoughts whenever I see these trashy commercials (and I keep watching them over and over and over and over again) is, ‘What would these girls’ PARENTS think?’ I mean, you just KNOW that sooner or later they’re gonna be sitting in their living room watching TV and all of a sudden, right there on the TV, in full living color, is their daughter Mary Jane and her friends smiling, yelling, “WHOO HOO!” and joyously yanking up their shirts! |
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What if someone sorta borrowed that idea and instead, went for the MATURE woman? We could
make a fortune!! We could travel the country on bikes video-taping it all and get
ridiculously rich!! It could be called, “WOMEN Gone Wild” and would feature hot
biker women doing what only biker women do best! At least fully grown adult WOMEN might
not worry as much if their parents see the TV commercial for it. I mean, go ahead and
admit it….ADULT women’s parents might even get a kick out of it. If nothing else
it WOULD be a funny trick to pull on the old folks! “HONEY!” “What is it dear?” “Come in here and look at this! I think I just saw Mary on TV!” “What did you say?” “Look. There’s our Mary on TV and she’s showing her boobs. Isn’t that funny?” “I see those new implants really lifted those babies up. I wonder where Tom and the kids are.” “I don’t know, but I can’t wait until the guys on my bowling league see this. Ha ha ha.” |
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Now, isn’t this version a lot better? As I write this month’s column, since I have a two month deadline the June Jam hasn’t happened yet, so ya might have seen me and Julie roaming the Jam with our video camera (if that makes any kind of sense to you). Hopefully we can begin an effort to present MATURE women on film in a festive light. I WOULD also like to take this opportunity to apologize to all the husbands out there we might have pissed off and hope you didn’t do anything that would have landed me in the hospital. To all you mature women out there, If I AM in the hospital, feel free to send me a get well photo showing your T$%S. I’d appreciate it (cough cough, gasp gasp). |
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Until next month, |
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| Jan 08 | Feb 08 | March 08 | April 08 | May 08 | June 08 | July 08 | Aug 08 | Sept 08 | October 08 | November 08 | |
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